Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Awakening Recognition of CMNM by Aidan Quinn

I came across this blog when I was Googling for male exhibitionism; and I guess I was looking for some discussion on the matter.

That's really difficult to describe, and I think there's a whole range of emotions behind it, some of them contradictory. CMNM is not something I've considered before, so I can't say I'm necessarily into it - although I am interested in elements of voyeurism and exhibitionism.

Photo is aidanqn, taken accompany this entry.

You see, I'm a bit messed up ;) When I was younger, I was always frightened of my endowment - and I guess I still am a bit. But the funny thing is, I'm vain, too. I remember taking a photo of myself with my flies open and my red briefs sticking out when I was in my late teens. I also used to draw pictures of my crotch, wearing just briefs, when I was about 14. And many years ago, I saw a picture that a cousin took of himself. It wasn't rude, but my grandmother asked him why he took it. Inside my head, I knew exactly the reason. It kind of got me to figuring that deep down that nearly all men are vain/exhibitionists.

Recently, I have taken up swimming. The pools aren't big, and there's quite a few private cubicles. I never go in there, but go into the public area to change. I wear speedos. I noticed that the other guys use the private ones, but I always thought that was a bit effeminate; and they wore swimming shorts, too, rather than speedos.
I think that what I'm trying to say is that from a naked man's point-of-view, being naked is like being the alpha male. I think it's a huge turn-on to know that my own body is giving pleasure to others. It feels like a powerful position, rather than one of powerlessness.

A number of years ago, I was at a party, and a man and a woman were fondling me a little. Then the man gave some instructions to the woman as to what to do with me - well it never led to sex, and I was clothed the whole time - but I got really turned on by the idea of being a kind of toy - giving pleasure simply by receiving it - and being the object of lust. There was a vid on YouTube showing a wrestler's package. A woman said "It makes a nice change to see the objectification of men".

I responded because I thought:
  1. that it contained an implicit inferiority complex about being a woman in relation to a man (I didn't actually write that, but that's what I felt)
  2. that being objectified shouldn't necessarily imply a position of inferiority on the part of the person objectified. For those with a healthy self image,
    being a source of admiration was a source of strength; and conversely for those with a poor self image, a source of further weakness. So, it all depends on your point of view.
Things are also hot from a clothed male's point of view. I like the idea of touching a man whilst I'm fully clothed; and then watching him get sexually aroused.

I once saw a vid on XTube about a military examination. It was really hot to see 6 guys lined up, being ordered to take off their clothes, and then be intimately examined. Some the guys seemed to like it, too!

For me, it's not about "emotional" dominance. I think it's a turn-on when both 
parties are aroused by the experience, but a turn-off if one side is feeling abused and not enjoying it. So, for me, it's about pleasure, not about bullying or intimidation. If one side is feeling belittled, then I don't like it.

====== Note from Aidan Quin: ===========

By the way, feel free to blog about this message and your reactions. I thought you might like a photo of me, which I've attached. (Photo is posted at the top of this article.) I've written "CMNM" across my hips so that you know it's really from me - plus I kind of dig the whole "tattoo" thing. I would never get a tattoo, but I think a temporary one would be really cool. Feel free to post the pic, too! Maybe it will start a trend ;)

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Personal Update and CMNM Party Plans

Hey nude dudes (and clothed ones too). Are you into CMNM? Clothed male / naked male erotic situations. I organize CMNM events and also admin several Guys Into CMNM (blog) and from there you can join one of several social networking sites devoted to CMNM.
social network groups devoted to CMNM. So get in touch - I'm not just trying to hook up, but want to get a lot of guys together for CMNM events in many parts of the world. You can find more about it at my
A complete list of all My Other Blogs and current Net profiles can be found at:

My Blogger blogs: 

Travels with Sunbuns 

Mec a poil 
Kelly’s Second Life 
Homoerotic Antics 
Uber Horny: guys who want it bad 
男 Otoko -The Japanese Male 
A Father’s Pride and Joy 
Guys into CMNM 
Passions of the Hentai 
The Spirit is Willing but the Flash is Weak, day and night. 
All Natural Men 

I organize private CMNM events in during my road trips while on holidays. If you're not a follower on Twitter - see

If you might want to join us for one or more CMNM events d(or at future event there or elsewhere), then find out what we have in mind...

You can see what CMNM events that we're planning at our Club CMNM page on Eventbrite :

Also tweet me at @cmnm (on Twitter) or my personal account:
You may also let other local guys in your area know about our CMNM events, or your friends and online acquaintances that who are traveling to these areas who might want to join.
They are great ways to meet other men - since there is no requirement to be naked or to have sex (except as it just happens - depending on the place/venue and who's attending).


Mr. Timberfell Contest and CMNM Meetup 

  • When : Aug.7-9, 2015

  • Where: Timberfell Lodge, >
    Place : Greeneville TN

IF MY INBOX is full, send email to sunbunz (at) gmail (dot) com
or find me on Facebook with that email address or my name:
Kelly Lewis

There is no age limit or target group, but we'll normally be separating into young men's group, a middle-aged and mature men's groups for part (or all) of the event(s). If there are enough guys, we can alternate or rotate groups and activities. We're flexible and want to make all attendees comfortable, and that both the older and the younger guys are happy.

These events do NOT require sexual behavior -- and do not encourage bareback or unprotected sex; we refuse underage (under 18 y.o.), and prohibit any illegal drugs or activities that abuse or would potentially cause hurt, pain or injury (included psychological damage). These are NOT BDSM parties - by any means.

In some cases, special Daddy / Boy, Coach/Athlete, Teacher/Students, Uniformed Officer / Young Citizen (needing a spanking) events will allow mixed aged erotic encounters that involve mild bondage or spanking, etc.

If you are interested, let me know.. mahalo, Kelly.
Who knows, if successful .. we may be bringing a CMNM event to a place near you soon.

Here are my many Tumblr blogs:

------------- Sunbuns: My Profile ----------

I often travel, sometimes on business and other times for pleasure (hopefully more of the latter), and while doing so, I often 'organize' some CMNM (clothed male / naked male) meet-ups / hookups/ parties/ sleepovers, picnics, etc) in various cities: Hawaii, Atlanta, Boston/Provincetown, Nashville, San Francisco, San Diego, Tokyo, Osaka during March 2016. During summer time 2015-2016, I'll also visit Europe (London, Ireland, Oslo (?), Spain (Canary Islands - Gran Canaria or Barcelona), Paris, Berlin (and/or Munich).

To see descriptions of the 'planned' events (as they are now), visit
or follow 'CMNM' on Twitter.

Networks I’ve started:

----------------- ABOUT ME: Sunbuns / Sunbuns99 / Sunbunz -----------------------

Wanted: friends, boyfriends, sex buddy, nudist buddies, scuba diving buddy, outdoor naked recreation partners, travel buddies, flashing, naked dare partners, camping or hiking group, cmnm partners,

My home and heart are in Pahoa (The Big Island, Hawaii) but actually I don't live there but part of the year. I travel frequently for my work and spend more time off the island than on it. Currently, I'm based in Japan, but I travel quite a bit in North America, Europe and Asia during the year.

I'd love to hear from anyone into these sexual interests. I'm particularly excited about CMNM, and make it a kind of hobby -- at least, I have created a blog and a few social networks related to the Clothed Male / Naked Male (CMNM) sexual lifestyle.

CMNM / nudism / nudist / naturist / dickflash / exhibitionist / voyeur / flashing / public sex / freeballing / exposing / expose / dares / public nudity / outdoor sex / toys / dildos / gloryholes / glory holes / tearoom sex / toilet cruising / nude camping / nude hiking / commando / cottaging / dogging

Most desirable types of men - but I am not a slave to my desires alone:
Ethnicity: Asian, Japanese, Mixed race, multi-ethnic, multicultural, happa, half, Hispanic, Latino, Brazilian, Argentine, African, Afro-American, Caucasian, European, Scandinavian, Greek, Arab, Middle Eastern, South Asian, South East Asian, Pacific Islanders, Hawaiian
Race: white, black, yellow, red, beige, cream, tan, brown, beautiful, rainbow, color blind

Avocation: surfer, scuba diver, beach bum, skater, skateboarders, geeky, Harry Potter, academic, professional, business, artist, designer, musician, uniformed services (cop, police officer, delivery, blue collar jobs - mechanic, etc)

Body style: slim to medium - studly, muscular are all right (bears are great - but not really my main thing), skinny is A-OK, slim boyish types, being versatile is important, more skin than hair (smooth is great, but I'm not against a hairy chest, legs, ass), bubble butt, .. Oh, and a guy should have a cock -- otherwise I'm not too picky (LOL).

Age / Social Status: I like guys my age or younger, although I actually get along well with men far older and far, far younger. I tend to prefer a man in his late 30 - 40 or 50s - just because we often share the same economic level and what that means. No, I'm not the sugar-daddy type and I don't want to support another 'son' or 'lover' who can't make a living for himself.

Personality: Of course, it's important. But people are different and everybody has admirable qualities and things we don't particularly care for. So.. I take it as it comes. Besides, we're probably not going to live together. To be honest, I prefer sexual encounters - not romantic adventures (for the most part). I am not looking for a Long-Term-Relationship (LTR) -- although I do make a really great friend/buddy -- even if sex isn't in the picture.

Sex .. though.. is different. Guys of any age can be great sex partners. Sex, though, is not only what life's about. Although I realize of course, that's why you and I came to this site.

---------------- My Net Life --------------------

NOTE: Yahoo (sun.buns) & Flickr deleted my accounts on their photo-sharing service. My blogs have 'blanks' that once were photos stored in Flickr. It will take a good while before I find another photo-sharing site or get around to replacing those photos.
or sunbunz (at) gmail (dot) com

My Twitter id is: sunbuns

Kelly's Second Life is another of my blogs, showing a different aspect of me and my interests and activities:

Travels with Sunbuns is another one of my Blogs:( one of several ) , it is mainly devoted to gay travel:

GayWatch: sunbuns JUB: sunbuns99
JUB blog

My other blogs: A Quiver of Errors

The Japanese and other Asian Male -

Guys Into CMNM (clothed male/naked male)

So... we've moved over to three other social networking sites (at least):

Passions of the Hentai - for guys who love Japanese maleness
Uber Horny: Guys who like it wild

Interacy: Inter-racial gay sex and admiring men
A Father's Pride and Joy:

----------- INTERESTS and Interesting or Noteworthy Bits ----------

Interests: scuba diving snorkellng world travel eco-tourism cooking photograhy underwater photography orchids cactus volleyball aikido ethnic music musicals opera dance ballet US politics and international news and politics real estate

Naked camping, nude beaches and nude outdoor activities "au naturel" along with scuba diving are some of my favorite leisure pasttimes, but NOT the only ones. I travel a lot, and while doing so, love to cruise gay beaches worldwide when I'm not enjoying the cultural or natural environments, the latter are really my true passions. Sex and/or romance may be important, but it IS NOT the completely dominant theme of my life.

As you can probably tell by the tone and content of my message here, I am not looking for a relationship of any special or limiting sort except true friendship. I like sex, of course, but by far there are much more important ways to appreciate one's fellow man than by simply fucking/sucking and by emotionally screwing each other over than what the typical male (probably especially the typical gay male) knows or can even comprehend.
To keep things simple, basic, and just primitive, I would love to meet up with guys who just want to get naked in public or challenge other (and photograph it) to naked male dares.

I enjoy hot scenes on the beach, maybe in a public place ; but I am mostly a regular guy who loves or camping out naked, or hiking nude with buds in the great outdoors or I am equally at ease enjoying a meal - one that we cook together is even better, or take in an event (museum, concert, street fair, etc) together (these cultural events are NOT in the nude, well - probably not)).

Just talking and enjoying a view of the beach, mountains, or urban city street is also a good experience too.
I am not always a horny bastard -- I supremely enjoy nature but also the arts, cultural events (music, dance, theatre, open), travel, discussion, ethnic food and music and more. I like writing and enjoy organizing things - events, people into groups, trips....

Recently, I've started writing more (or at least collecting my posts into a themed journal on my blogs:

I love collecting nude and explicit photos of all kinds of men and their sexual pursuits. I have done so for many years to my personal collection is pretty impressive - although I wonder about its legality

Saturday, April 25, 2015

My teacher was good at making me behave.

My teacher was good at making me behave. Not exactly my own teacher, but my first full-fledged gay sex was with a college professor.

I was studying in France (Junior Year Abroad) and joined the university choral club. It turned out that one of the older guys (the club was open to anybody on campus) took a shine to this 19-year-old American guy. So he kept winking and being friendly during and after rehearals - I was really new to noticing such attentions.

After several months, he eventually invited me over to his apartment a few blocks from the campus. It was the first time that I had actually been able to act both romantically and sexually with another guy in a mutually gratifying encounter.

He asked me to sit next to him on the couch and the sexual vibes were electrifying.. it wasn't but a few minutes later -- while we were looking through one of his photo albums that we just abandoned all pretenses, and started kissing passionately. Minutes later, he took me to his bedroom and then proceeded to instruct me in the realities and pleasures of gay sex. I got fucked in the butt for the first time by a guy who was about 40.

Unfortunately, he was not really interested in a relationship -- except jus sex from time to time. It was very disappointing for me and I learned my first 'lesson' about what can be the difficulties in maintaining (or establishing) a relationship especially because it was such a closeted time. His being a teacher was problematic for us both so he never wanted to see me on campus. Eventually, I gave up seeing him and before too long returned home.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Supernatural : One Frozen Winter - Chapter 1

One Frozen Winter - Chapter 1

(Co-written with Cha
Pairing: Teen!Sam/Dean
Rating/Warnings: NC 17; Slash; incest, 17 year old Sam
Characters : The Characters from the t.v. show Supernatural belong to Kripke, we're just playin' with 'em


Summary: Sam's hormones are on overdrive but getting pulled out of school and dumped at some isolated cabin with Dean means he won't be getting any relief. Or does it? He really could use a teacher and who better than Dean to demonstrate? Light/fun. Slash, incest

Wonderful banner by cha

The problem was Dean. Dean made everything look easy. Sam had spent two weeks sneaking around behind Dean watching him kiss girls. After fourteen nights of watching, Sam had ended up with Poison Ivy on his ankle, a vague notion of how to kiss and a pretty constant hard on. He fell asleep thinking about how to kiss and he woke up thinking about it. He had been all set to launch his plan to kiss Bethia at school when Dad had told them to pack. Now, here they were in the middle of nowhere in a lakeside cabin. There was no TV, no cell reception, no electricity, no Bethia to kiss and every time Sam looked at his older brother he could only stare at his lips.

They were out on the porch. Dean was sitting in a rocking chair... a fucking rocking chair, swatting fucking mosquitoes, and staring off at the dark waters of the lake. It was so damned hot and sticky, he leaned forward and pulled his tee-shirt off, tossing it at Sam's face, grinning at the annoyed look Sammy shot him. "Get me beer." At least they were stocked.

Rolling his eyes Sam balled up the shirt and threw it on the floor, eyes gliding over Dean’s chest as he walked past. He made sure to slam to screen door behind him, grabbed two beers and went back out to the porch. He tapped the bottle against Dean’s shoulder and waited for his brother to say something about the beer he'd brought out for himself.

Dean turned and grabbed the bottle, then stared at the second one in Sam's hand. He looked up into Sam's face and could tell little bro expected him to put up a stink. Instead, he touched his bottle to Sam's and just said, "Drink it slow. I don't want to haul your drunk ass inside."

Sam grinned and sat down on the top step by Dean's feet. "It sucks here, Dean," he took a sip of beer, "it really sucks." Wiping his mouth he looked out over the lake. "How long did Dad say we had to be here?"

Shaking his head, Dean answered. "Beats the hell outta me. Tomorrow will be too late." He was about to go out of his mind with boredom. Knocking back
some of the beer, he swatted a mosquito and cursed. "This has got to be the worst place we've been, and we've been in plenty of dumps. Hope he gets done with whatever soon." Yeah, but when had he ever gotten back in less than a week? "If it weren't so hot that the cards would stick to my fingers, I'd teach you to play poker. And don't get started with you already know how... you gotta work on that poker face."

Sam shrugged and took another sip of beer. “So, Dean,” he cleared his throat, “there was this girl, you know, back in Camden.” He picked at the label on the beer bottle feeling his cheeks start to burn; scratched his nose then pushed his hair out of his eyes. “You know what? Never mind. Let's play poker - we're gonna go nuts if we sit here doing nothin'."

Studying Sam's profile, Dean started to smile. "Nah, let's not play poker. How about you tell me 'bout her. This girl in Camden." The silence didn't surprise Dean. "Did she have nice... you know," he motioned with his hands as he asked
whether she had a nice rack. That was sure to get Sam tripping over his tongue and get him talking.

“Jesus, Dean!” Sam put his beer down on the step beside him, thinking, remembering. “She did… I mean, I didn’t,” he closed his eyes for a moment, “yeah.” He grinned and looked at Dean out of the corner of his eye. “She was really pretty though, you know? Long black hair, real tiny,” he looked up at Dean, “she would have fit right under my arm.” He lifted his arm up almost unconsciously as if he could see her there. “Smelled really good too,” he muttered almost under his breath. He let out a big sigh and picked up the beer bottle again, taking a long drink.

"You sweet on a girl, Sammy?" He teased, but a sadness swept through him. He knew Sam had a tendency to take things to heart, and a need to make long term friends. When he said he liked a girl, it probably meant a big time crush. How often would he get to explore something like that for more than a blink of an eye? That was one of the reasons Dean had learned to move so quickly on a girl. If he did the old dating before kissing thing, he'd never get laid. "Should'a told me." Yeah, he'd have given his brother some tips... after he gave him some shit of course.

Sam shrugged again. “I guess. Doesn’t matter, I never got to … well, I was gonna … you know kiss her.” He puffed out his cheeks and let out a long breath. “I didn’t really know… well, I was going to try.” Cringing, he waited for the abuse to start.

"Oh yeah?" Again with the silence. "What happened," Dean asked, not a hint of mockery in his voice.

"Nothin'." Sam chuckled softly, the smile fading quickly from his face. "Seriously, nothing. I didn't know where to start." He looked cautiously at Dean, trying to gage the mood he was in. "I didn't know what to do, Dean. How to start, like..." he turned to face his older brother, feeling a bit more confident, "how do you let a girl know that you like her... that you want to kiss her?"

The wise cracks about being irresistible and not having that problem died on his lips the instant his brother's gaze met his. "I don't know that there's a magic formula. I mean... it's trial and error. You just gotta," he sniffed, "you know, think there's nothing to lose. What's the worst that can happen? She says no, or maybe you get slapped." Okay, a crack slipped out, but it wasn't a bad one and it was the truth. "Some girls... you just know they're not gonna be prudes. Others... ah, let's go inside and play poker," he said, changing his mind.

"No! what?" For a minute there Sam though his brother was actually going to help him instead of just brushing him off. "Come on, Dean, I don't have anyone else to talk to!" It came out louder than Sam intended but it was true. The way they moved around Sam was lucky if he could even keep people's names straight. He was frustrated and pissed off. "I used to think I would die a virgin - now I think I'm going to die without ever even kissing someone." Sam slammed the beer bottle down on the top step splashing it up his arm.

"That's nuts... Sam." Dean got up and joined him on the stair, stretching his legs out and looking over at him. "You are not gonna die... you know I won't let you," he said, pointing at him with his bottle before he took a drink. Damn, he could get emo over the smallest things. "I was just gonna say, you can sometimes tell from the way they hold their head. You know, kinda tilted to the side, hair partly in their eyes... means the chick's flirting with you." He
demonstrated the pose. "And ... I dunno, pupils get dark... kinda big... and if they sway toward you, even little," he moved a few inches toward Sam, "and if they're looking either in your eyes or at your mouth... it's in the bag." He took another swig, leaned his head back and swallowed, then looked back at Sam. "And if their lips part... real slow like this... then it's guaranteed."

As Dean's lips parted Sam felt a little jolt, it brought back memories of all those times he had watched Dean while he made out with some girl. He knew what Dean was talking about, well, some of it. He'd seen the way the girls looked at his older brother - like they wanted something from him. His eyes jumped down to Dean's mouth, his full bottom lip, then back to his brother's eyes. He looked up at Dean from behind his floppy bangs. "Then ... what do you do first?" he almost whispered.

"Yeah, kinda like that," Dean agreed, seeing Sam emulate the girls and nodding. "You know what I do next, not like you haven't seen it often enough," he grinned. He didn't mind that Sam shadowed him, he liked it.

Sam's eyes widened and he leaned back a little. "I was just .." he felt around behind him blindly for his beer, grabbed it and finished the rest of the bottle, gulping it down. He took a deep shuddering breath. "I was trying to see how it ... worked." He could feel a blush creeping up his neck and warmth growing in his belly. Looking at Dean from under long dark lashes he gave him a weak grin. "I kinda liked it." Okay, that beer was going straight to his head.

"Hmmm? You got that far with her? And liked it?" He noticed that Sam had finished his drink, no wonder he wasn't making a hundred percent sense here. But hey, that meant he might share things he otherwise wouldn't. "So ... arm go around her? You know, when you were liking it." Dean bet that was code for getting a stiffy.

Sam looked confused for a few seconds, "Me? Did I like.... oh...." crap "That's not what I meant. I liked .. You know - watching you." Suddenly feeling like he couldn't really breathe he tugged on the neck of his t-shirt. "I mean," he ran his hand down his face, "I liked watching you kiss girls." He moved as if to get up, "I should probably go ... to bed or something." Why couldn't he stop talking?

"Oh... that." He tried not to laugh at Sam's worried expression. "I get off on porn, you get off on soft porn," he shrugged, trying to be as casual as he could about it. "Here's the thing... it's a hundred times better when you're getting it, than watching," he pointed at Sam. "You know it's true. So next time you see someone you like, get them to that point with the swaying... don't hesitate. Go for it." He put his hand on Sam's back, patting him. "You've got it in you, you're a Winchester."

"Yeah, I guess." He leaned back into Dean's touch, liking the feel of his broad hand. Dean's lips looked really soft, no wonder there was always a girl. Sam leaned a little closer, staring at the drop of beer on the corner of his brother's mouth. Go for it Darting forward he crushed his mouth against the corner of Dean's, pulled away and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

Everything happened at once. The sudden press of firm warm lips against his, a familiar burning... aching sensation, and the realization he'd been kissed. Sam had kissed him. He'd.... His heart sort of stuttered, and Dean told himself it was from shock. Then he tried to think about how many beers he'd had... three, just three, not so many that he would have imagined it. Instinctively, he licked his lips... and holy crap, he tasted Sam there, and no way... no way was he thinking of leaning in and...

He cleared his throat. "Right, just like that. Only with your arms around her," he said, finally figuring out he was an idiot. Sam had been trying the technique out on him. Course if the kid hadn't had that beer, he wouldn't have. And sure, he probably should be slugging him, or kicking his ass... but he found he couldn't get himself worked up enough to do that. "Just like that," he said more softly, this time leaning back on his elbows braced on the stairs and looking up at the moon. Yeah... he really needed to find Sammy a girl. Both of them...

Sucking on his bottom lip Sam sat very still, watching his brother. That had felt really good, and Dean tasted like Sam thought he would; beer, salt and, well, Dean. He shifted down a step, scooted a little closer and reached out shyly, sliding his hand over Dean's stomach, curling his hand over his brother's hip. "Kind of like this?" he asked tugging Dean a little closer.

Dean's stomach clenched under his brother's touch. Hell, other parts of him that shouldn't be standing at attention seemed to suddenly come alive. He sucked in his breath, trying to explain this to himself. Telling himself it was because they were bored to death, with no end in sight, and he was not reacting to his brother specifically, it was just a reaction to a touch... he was so hard up, any touch would do. His gaze met and clashed with Sam's and suddenly he wasn't so sure.

Swallowing hard, he reminded himself he was the older brother. It was his job to take care of Sam. If Sam was so drunk he wanted a demo, he shouldn't take him up on it... cause that would be really bad. Real bad. "Just like that..." his heart slammed into his chest. Dean took his brother's hand off his hip and sat up, trying to ignore the scorching heat left by Sam's hand print. "Let's get you to bed, Sammy."

Sam bit down hard on his bottom lip, tasting blood, sliding away from Dean quickly. He straightened his back, swaying a little, feeling a little dizzy. "I'm ... sorry, Dean. You mad?" He pressed his fingers to his bottom lip and then grimaced when they came away red. "I bit my lip."

"Mad... no." Maybe he was drunk... he had to be, cause why else did he find himself cupping Sam's chin, why was he wiping his lip with the pad of his thumb, and why the hell was he swaying toward Sam, wanting a proper taste? Jerking his face slightly so his lips ended up sliding along Sam's cheek, and moving over his ear instead of his original target, he whispered. "No one could resist your moves, Sammy, I'm pretty sure about that." He barely recognized his own voice and refused to analyze why he'd said 'no one' instead of 'no girl.' Afraid of these strange sensations sweeping through his system, Dean stood up and put his hand out. "Time to turn in."

Sam felt like his knees were going to buckle when he felt Dean’s breath on his ear. Felt so good. Glancing down at Dean’s hand, he reached out and slid his fingers slowly over his brother’s rough palm, then grabbed on and pulled himself up. Stumbling, he tripped up the step in front of him and fell against Dean’s Chest. “I think I’m a bit drunk, Dean.” He grinned at his brother, grabbing onto the waistband of his jeans to hold himself up. Dean smelled so good. Sam turned his face into Dean's neck, breathing deeply.

As Sam's body collided into his, as it felt almost like Sam was about to pull his pants down, Dean barely bit back a moan. Fuck... he knew better, knew he shouldn't be feeling like this... no matter how many drinks he'd had, Goddamit. Sam was a guy... and not just any guy, he was his little brother. Emphasis on 'little'... you listening down there? Didn't matter what he thought, his blood was definitely surging to his cock, and Sam wasn't helping any... the way he was practically nuzzling him.

"I know you are. Let's get you inside." He tried to keep his voice normal, putting his arm around Sam, his palm sliding down his side to his waist, over tight muscles that had developed overnight it seemed. "Come on..." Yeah, he was talking to himself as much as to his brother. He got him up the stairs, and they staggered a little. Each time Sam jostled against him, Dean gritted his teeth, fighting his feelings. "Keep that up and I'm picking you up, Goddamit," he finally snapped.

“You’re bossy.” Sam smiled and pressed his lips against Dean’s neck, lingering. There were so many feelings rushing through him, and it all felt so good. Maybe it wasn’t right, wasn’t how it was supposed to be, but Dean’s hands felt really good on him. No one loved him like Dean… it just made sense. He tucked his hand into Dean’s back pocket curling and uncurling his fingers against his brother's firm ass. He tried to walk straighter to please Dean.

"You bet I am." Dean's voice went from low to high pitched. He had to have imagined that kiss... had to, but Sam's hand in his pocket... no matter how hard he tried to unimagine it, it was still there... pressing into his ass, making him wonder what would happen if he pulled Sam close, held him the same way. No, no, no... This was just making him wish he was drunk. Then he'd have an excuse. Maybe.

"Sam, come on," he said more sharply, practically dragging his brother inside to the bedroom and shoving him down onto the bed. The distance between them allowed him to breathe again. "Get... get undressed. I'm gonna lock up," he said a bit tightly, for the first time in his life shying away from the sight of Sam in boxers. What the hell had gotten into him?

Turning, he left the room and went to secure the house.

For a few minutes, Sam just stared at the ceiling. His fingers drifted to his lips, the taste of Dean’s skin still there. Shit. Dean was going to kick his ass in the morning. Pushing himself up off the bed he kicked off his boots and pulled his socks off, almost falling off the bed while he struggled out of his jeans. He palmed the slight bulge in the front of his boxers, feeling his cheeks redden again. What the hell are you doing to yourself Sam? He snorted and grabbed the hem of his shirt. After a brief wrestling match, he threw the shirt on the floor and slid under the sheet.

Taking more time than he needed, Dean drained the rest of his beer, left the bottle on the kitchen table and headed back to the room. A part of him wanted to hit the bottle, reach for something stronger than beer. Another part of him worried about consequences... if he wasn't thinking straight now, what might he do if he had some whiskey inside him?

Generally noting the lump under the sheets that told him Sam was in bed, he kept his eyes off Sam. In the morning, this would all clear up and yeah... he'd find them stuff to do, just to keep the hormones from making him do or allow something they'd regret. Dad, it's all your fault I kissed Sammy cause you left us in fucking Merliville... yeah... not gonna cut it.

He undid his belt buckle, and unzipped. Pushing his jeans down his hips, he practically kicked them off since he was barefooted. Glancing at the ceiling fan, he wished it was circulating something other than hot air. The heat had to be getting to his brain too... yeah that was it. Crossing the room, he shut the light and got into his bed, leaving the sheets off. Hands behind his head, he watched the fan turned. "Night Sam."

Sam watched Dean get undressed through squinted eyes, his brother moved so easily; Sam still felt like he was all arms and legs. The light turned off, he heard Dean’s bed creak and his goodnight. Sam ran through the evening in his mind, listening to Dean’s breathing from across the room. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way Dean’s mouth had felt when he had kissed him, it was softer than he thought it would be, his brother’s lips smoother, warmer. Sam shifted in bed, leaned up and held his breath to listen. Dean’s breathing was deep and even, he was sleeping.

He sat up, slid out of his bed and padded quietly over to Dean’s bed. Sam just stood there for a while, listening to Dean’s breath, watching the rise and fall of his chest; then he sat down as gently as he could on the side of Dean’s bed.

Dean didn’t move, his breathing still even and calm; Sam leaned down slowly and pressed his slightly parted lips against Dean’s. He waited, and when Dean didn’t stir, he leaned in again, drawing Dean’s bottom lip into his mouth ever-so-gently.

"Mmmn..." Dean started to complain as something disturbed his sleep, but before he came awake, the sensation of soft lips against his, sucking on him, turned the complaint into a moan of pleasure. Good... good, but he wanted more. Parting his lips, he dipped his tongue
slightly inside, finding the heat of that silky mouth pressing so damned sweetly against his. He moved his hand, cupping the side of his dream date's face and kissing just a little harder, like he was almost afraid that if he was too aggressive, his date would bolt.

A moan built somewhere in Sam’s chest when he felt Dean’s tongue slide into his mouth, so slick and smooth, surprised he gasped into his brother’s mouth then just let the pleasure wash over him. Letting his weight settle cautiously against Dean’s chest Sam turned into his brother’s hand, so rough on his cheek. He let his tongue slip out of his mouth, licking along the velvety smooth bottom lip he’s been staring at all night. Don’t wake up, don’t wake up, don’t wake up. He felt like he couldn't catch his breath, shifted closer so he could press up against Dean's thigh, Holy shit. His heart was thundering so loud in his chest he was sure Dean would hear it.

The instant Dean sensed weight pressing into him, he closed his other arm around his date, running his hand up and down, then resting it on is date's ass. As their tongues tangled, he slowly became aware of something hard pressing into his thigh. Other things shifted into place too. There wasn't much softness to the body he was groping, it was all tight muscle... it belonged to a male. Goddamn Sammy for doing this to him, making him dream of a guy. And Goddamn himself for not forcing himself awake, and deciding to enjoy it.

Slanting his mouth, he deepened the kiss, caressing the roof of the guy's mouth... not just any guy, he tasted like Sam, tasted good like him, felt like how he thought Sam might feel. He tangled their tongues together and then started a thorough exploration, mapping every corner of his mouth, his breaths growing slightly ragged.

Felt so good. Sam didn’t know what to do with his hands, with his legs, his hips rolled forward into Dean’s leg- which kinda scared him and kinda felt really good, too good. He was just learning though. Right?. Just learning. Panting into Dean’s mouth Sam’s arm snaked over Dean’s hip, his fingers pressing into the hot flesh above Dean’s shorts. Dean's tongue felt so good in his mouth, he couldn’t stop himself from sucking on it, trying to pull it further inside his mouth.

"Yeah baby," Dean encouraged, molding the boy's body to his, deciding he needed more. Without breaking the kiss, he cupped the guy's ass, fingers digging into partially clothed flesh as he started to roll them over, needing to be on top, to control the kiss and gain the pressure he was starting to need to ease the throbbing ache between his legs.

Sam groaned and twisted out from under Dean sliding off the bed and thudding onto the floor. His heart was beating so fast it felt like it was in his throat. Jesus Dean that was too good, too much, and totally not about learning anything anymore. Kissing your brother shouldn’t feel like that, shouldn’t feel like it’s setting you on fire somewhere deep inside your stomach. Sam sat there trying to calm himself down.

Reaching blindly out to grab his would-be lover, Dean complained loudly. "C'mere... need you. Don't be like that." His body was on fire, and he just fucking wasn't used to being left high and dry. "Whatever I said... didn't mean it."

Sam’s head fell back against the bed as his breathing slowed. He wondered who Dean was dreaming about, knowing it wasn’t him. He sighed and kneeled up to look at Dean’s face, watching his furrowed brow, reaching out he ran his finger along Dean’s lips, knowing he’d never get a chance to do it again.

Dean chased that finger, managing to suck part of it into his mouth and smiling triumphantly as his hand shot out and unerringly gripped the boy's wrist. "Stop driving me crazy... Sammy."

Sam jumped jerking back against Dean’s strong grip. What the hell? “D D Dean?” He tried to tug his hand away, to no avail. “Dean, I’m sorry, I….” he looked down, out of words.

The sudden movement combined with Sam's voice brought Dean awake. He jackknifed to a sitting position, "what... what happened?" Then found he had grabbed Sam's wrist, and that his brother was standing next to his bed. He could smell Sam... could smell his scent on himself, could taste him. He remembered the kissing on the stairs the... oh crap. Releasing Sam, he cocked his head. "Did I.... say anything?" Please God... don't let me have said anything about the dream... but he knew he must have, or why else had Sam awakened and come to investigate?

Sam’s mouth dropped open, then closed, then opened again as he tried to figure out what to say. He licked his lips, “S’okay Dean, go back to sleep,” his voice was husky, deep, “I’m sorry I … woke you.” Why did he feel so crappy? Why did his heart jump when Dean had said his name? Just the idea of Dean knowing it had been him… Sam sighed and tugged his arm free, going back to his bed, climbing in and rolling away from Dean. "Night, Dean." He pressed his face into his pillow.

"Sam?" The silence made him think maybe he'd imagined Sam had been right there. Nah, he knew he had been, but what had he heard, and why was he apologizing? Maybe he didn't wanna know. Telling himself that, he dropped back down on the pillow, rolling to his side and watching Sam. Only when he realized he was checking out the lean lines of his body visible in the semi dark room, did he roll over on his stomach, barely holding back a groan. Tomorrow, he was gonna tell his dad to get his ass back here. Okay, maybe not in those exact terms but...

* * *

When Sam's eyes cracked open in the morning he had a few moments to savor the deliciously cool morning air before everything came flooding back to him. The thoughts seeped back into his consciousness in no apparent order; the taste of beer on his lips, firm muscles under his hand, low-voiced words of advice from his brother, kissing, oh god kissing, Dean’s hands digging into the muscles of his ass. He sat bolt upright in bed eyes darting across the room to Dean’s sleeping form.

In slumber, Dean’s face was serene – he never seemed to look like that during the day. Sam’s eyes traced the smooth curve of Dean’s spine ending in the slight twist of his hips….. he scrambled out of bed. What the hell was wrong with him? There was no beer to blame now. Snatching his jeans off the floor he hopped around quietly pulling them on, focused on getting away from Dean for a while. He stopped briefly to
scrawl one word on a scrap of paper on the bedside table, ‘swimming’. As he turned to leave his hazel eyes trailed once more over Dean’s face – then he darted out of the room.

It was a short walk to the lake, the breeze was nice as it ruffled his shaggy hair and the grass felt warm on his bare feet. He really needed a haircut. The water was still, blue, clear and Sam shucked off his jeans and waded in, gritting his teeth against the cold. Wearily, he looked down at his hands, splashing some water onto his face, he had to make sure everything was okay with Dean. He had no one else, pathetic as that seemed. He dove into the water and swam.