The CMNM dynamic drives a lot of men to explore 'gay' issues

The  photo just below is only one of two dozen that a young man (who called himself Str8man) posted on another gay discussion board. The user explained that he was 'really' straight, but that he wanted (or needed) the advice of guys who could be honest about whether his 'dick' was big enough or not. 

 It was obviously more than simply that because the posting of his self-pics (never the face) has gone on periodically for several months now. While initially a 'virgin', he explained during the course of the posts how he had had sexual experiences with his girlfriend, but was often horny so considered getting a 'blowjob' from a guy at some point. I think this type of Net 'naked' exposure or self-revelation is symptomatic of what I call the need for male 'skinship' - a form of the CMNM experience. 

As our societies have accepted 'gayness' (at least to some legal extent), the stigma about being bi or gay - while not vanished - is certainly greatly reduced and for a few happy (no pun intended) gay men, it may be non-existent. However, at the same time, I think this new sexual 'freedom' for all males puts traditional self-identity in some type of young males and even older men into greater jeopardy. 

In a way, the macho male is even more threatened in his feelings of isolation and his lack of ability to make 'acceptable' buddy-buddy relationships with other males (particularly those a little older and wiser ) in whom he cannot fully confide or whose affection and need for intimacy he feels he must still largely deny - except for 'outburst' like this one on gay/bi Net sites. In a way, gay sites are becoming the confessionals of a whole new generation of males who crave deeper male intimacy - with or without everything else that is involved in a emotional romantic or sexual interpersonal relationship.

 For the young kid or full-blow teenage, (such as Str8man above) who may have no father (divorced parents) or even no close adult relationships at all - especially men because of today's climate of paranoia about the potential of 'child abuse' by ordinary adults and social authorities figures (teachers, counselors, coaches, priests). He may feel particularly isolated or alone in his feeling of inadequacy -- especially when he is growing up, going through adolescence's change and hormonal upheavals, and experiencing the first few sexual and romantic relationships. It seems to be all to common to see exactly we are seeing above -- it's emblematic of a larger social phenomenon. 
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  I think that many guys who visit (lurk) or participate in the message boards and forums of gay social networking and gay hook-up sites such as Dudesnude, JustusBoys, Gaywatch, Dlist, Lifeout, and definitely on sites such as DickFlash are actually craving CMNM experiences -- rather than simply just sex to get off. It's not that they don't need or want to get off (ejaculate) or that they don't need to communicate or try to relate and form relationships or friendship, but I believe that the need to profoundly reach a deep intimate level of emotional or psycho-sexual communication or interaction with other men -- THAT being with other men in what fundamentally involves nudity -- is a very strong force and a desire that most all men feel that must fulfill.

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Therefore, I would like to expand the definition of CMNM (clothed male - naked male). You can see that expanded definition in earlier entries of the blog


 I have started, devoted to this topic: Guys Into CMNM You can

read it at: http://guysn2cmnm.blogspot.com Your experiences, stories, comments/reactions, Net resources, pics are welcomed as contributions for the CMNM blog. Please send them to: sunbuns99 AT yahoo DOT com

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In CNMN experiences, not everyone involved needs to be to completely dressed or undressed (there can be mixed dressed/nude people in the same situation). It's the potential for nudity as a form of intimate or erotic communication that is more important than actually who is nude or clothed and how far each way. There can be more than one nude guys - it's just that there must be one clothed guys too. 

Often, guys can get CMNM thrills by being the dressed one or the naked one alternatively. I know that it works this way for me. I'm not passing any critical judgement on any other kind of male-oriented sexual lifestyle -- (flashing, BDSM, leather, role-playing (involving uniforms or costumes) because some people are turned on by multiple form of sexual stimulation - some of us are bisexual (past / present and future) and some of us get off flashing or simply just being exposed (or getting to see those who do). 

A true (extreme) dickflasher seems to get off by showing an erect cock in places/situations where people don't expect it and are shocked to have the 'space' invaded by a hard dick.. at the extreme, it may be the only way he can get off (ejaculate). It seems that there are actually very few guys who fall into that category.

 The CMNM (being exposed where clothed guys can view (and/or be visual stimuated) seems to find his (me being one of them) thrill in being naked in front of guys (dressed or in a state of dressing/undressing) where it's is more or less socially acceptable or at least tolerated (even glorified) - like a public street fair or a no-pants or strip night at a male-oriented bar, etc, or more 'innocently' in a locker room or frat party. But I know that in my case, I get a lot more social/psychological fulfillment / satisifaction (?) and some erotic/sexual pleasure from being in a CMNM situation - especially where I can establish a personal relationship with the clothed (or naked) guys. 

Recently, I find this often happens in a hostel or similar situation (campground, at the beach or gym showers, or clothing optional resort, etc, where you meet and befriend strangers who later get to see you naked or even aroused - almost by 'accident' not totally by design). I collect a lot of CMNM photos and have them for 'friends only' on: http://www.flickr.com/people/sunbuns/ 
You have to join Flickr (free) and add me as friend to view the pics. Please STATE on your profile that you are 18 years old or OVER 18 This makes things legal and I'll get less flack from Flickr for pandering to minors. 

There are also thousands of Flickr groups (little discussion but lots of photos) devoted to different aspects of this same idea: Frat parties, doctor's physical exams, being naked in public (not just flashing from a alley or window), sports locker rooms, etc. My own Net photos collections are categorized in sets as such. There are also scores of Net porn sites devoted to some particular 'flavor' or scene that is strongly related to CMNM. There are also a few private and public groups on Yahoo and Tribe.net devoted to CMNM. http://www.flickr.com/photos/sunbuns/375290868/in/set-72157594501819505/ 

* You must be a Flickr member and my Flickr friend to view the private pics on my Flickr photostream.  
_________________ The spirit is willing but the flash is week day and weekend!

The CMNM dynamic drives a lot of men to explore 'gay' issues

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Self-realizations: Getting older yet wiser, is it enough?

Self-Realizations #1 April, 2010   Sun, April 4, 2010 - 4:59 AM

Self-Realizations #1 April, 2010

I can feel myself getting older - but perhaps I'm getting wiser, too. I am starting to fear less that time when I won't be 'attractive' anymore because it is slowly dawning on me that I'll still be attractive to some people because of a couple of simple reasons:

1) As I get older, so do a lot of other people. So their perceptions also change as do their tastes and attractions. So even I fear losing my hairline or getting a droopy chin or sagging neck, there are also a lot of men my age and even younger who are aging even faster (or at least at the same rate).

2) Real beauty is only skin deeper.

3) Great sexual stimulation does not always involve penetration and cumming in a hole.

4) Good photography can work wonders! (lol) and so does makeup and face-lift, but I'll think I have to do without the latter two.

5) There is a lot to be said about being admired, respected and even adored by a horde of younger men who see me more and more as a father figure-type guy whom they would like to emulate.

Sun, April 4, 2010 - 4:59 AM -

A Comment   Shortly afterward, a new friend on Tribe.net added these reflective and comforting words.

Pias

Sun, April 4, 2010 - 7:25 AM As I sit here and ponder over your great words of truth and wisdom, i realize that as we grow older, we indeed become wiser and even our bodies become more and more sensitized to the sensual pleasures of intimacy, many on entire new levels, which I love so much in my own body. When I turned 40, I felt a wonderful change of a more mellow personality and taking less for granted in my daily life, appreciating the material world less and less has really helped me to grow and deepen my own maturing rite of passage... Also I find that my sexual desires have changed in many ways, like you mentioned, their is so much more to our sexuality and sexual desires than that of penetration and cumming quickly... I now enjoy savoring all the deep rooted creative juices that flow inside me when I'm sexing.... just the joys of being with another person sharing honest and loving nakedness. Sharing the truth of our bodies mind and soul, its a Glorious thing to celebrate and honor... So my words to you as you continue to journey into and through your own maturity. enjoy the process and what a blessing its been to talk with you here, to share these important thoughts.                                                                                                                       Warmest friendship, Pias

My Response

Mon, April 5, 2010 - 4:22 PM

Pias, Thank you for writing about my developing self-realizations. I'm sure there are more to emerge or crystallize sooner or later.

They stem from two major factors:

1) I'm a gay man who's had to (or felt compelled) to live my life in a somewhat duplicitous way.
 - I've lived a double life (not to everyone who matters - by the way). Gay / Straight, married but acting in places and time like a single gay male, I'm both a father/son, but also sexually active with other gay men, some my age, older and young enough to be my sons - most of the latter was anonymous sex - pick-ups, clandestine encounters, tearooms or furtive sex with strangers.

The dawning realization is that life was unfulfilling and rather empty. Maybe that's being a bit too harsh.. but it's how I feel at the moment.

2) The second fact (and factor) is that I am aging: getting older. It had always been to not disclose my real age because I had a youthful appearance: slim body, dark hair, few wrinkles. Now those physical markings - the signs of age -- are becoming all too evident. I can no longer either truthfully or even deceptively hid my real age much longer.

It's not simply a matter of my own perception of a lack of my own 'attractiveness' as a older man. I think I will alter my own self-perception once I can accept the facts. But aging brings with it many other gifts and some benefits which - while I had heard people speak of -- my parents, older friends, co-workers, famous persons (writers, actors) among others, I had not experienced it for myself - so I remained unconvinced that I could find anything good thing about becoming old (a relative term, I agree). At least until recently. More to follow.

I have moved this blog entry  -- at least continued it to my Kelly's Second Life (blog) at
http://kelly-sb.blogspot.com   It was originally posted at:  http://people.tribe.net/sunbuns
(Tribe.net does not send out notifications (as does Blogger) or allow other important features. So generally my blog entries get re-published on several different of blogs on multiple platforms (and via RSS).

Thanks for inspiring me, Pias. Your connection and understanding with your own physical sexuality is pretty amazing to hear about and gets me tantalized to read and think about.

Kelly